An Open Letter to the Critics: What I Want You to Know About Our Family

An Open Letter To The Critics

Some of you have noticed that I shut down the Bergey Bunch blog this past week. I had been planning to rearrange some things (and move some of the content over here) anyway, but the real reason I shut it down abruptly was because I was hurt.

You see, I found out on Thursday that our family was being attacked by an online  community. I noticed a huge jump in page views, so I followed a referral link and found my entire family being ridiculed, made fun of, nit-picked, and slandered. Every decision we’ve made the past few years as a family has been questioned.

They dug through my facebook and shared personal pictures and posts. They pulled bits and pieces from various blog posts and videos and garnered out-right lies from them. They found our ministry website and mocked our ministry, our pastor, our adoptions, our children’s singing, and much, much more.

And I’m going to be very honest here. The hurt of this nearly crippled me.

I couldn’t breathe as I continued to read the mockery and hate. 

I shut down my old blog and switched my facebook over to “friends only” in an attempt to hide in my imaginary turtle shell and avoid further ridicule and hurt.  

I didn’t sleep at all that night, and woke up the next morning in a complete fog.

I sat with my family and cried.

very much wanted to defend our family, point by point by point. I wanted to remove all of our internet presence and lick my virtual wounds. I wanted to scream, “You don’t know my family and you don’t know the truth!

But that’s ME.

It’s not my Jesus. He came to earth and taught us to love our enemies, to return evil with good, to walk 2 miles if we’re asked to walk only 1, to live peaceably with all men. 

I am so far from being like Him, but oh, how I long to see people through His eyes.  

Here’s my response to the critics:

Dear Friends,

I’m sorry we’re meeting this way. I would have rather met you ANY way but like this….

But since you’re here anyway, there’s something you need to know about the Bergey family.

We’re not a perfect family.

Brent’s not a perfect father. I’m definitely not a perfect mother. Our children aren’t perfect, either(but I think they’re absolutely awesome just the way they are). We’ve made many, many mistakes along the parenting way. We didn’t know it all when we brought home our girls, and if we could go back (with Johanna in particular), we would change the way we did many things.  We won’t be perfect missionaries, and  I bet when we are old and sitting around reminiscing about our life journey, we’ll all wish we could live our lives again and do a better job.

We’re not perfect, but we love each other unconditionally, and we love Jesus with all our hearts. 

I don’t blog because I’ve got it all figured out and want you to be just like me. 

I blog because I long to encourage other families to love big, parent connectedly, follow Jesus whole-heartedly, and live just a little bit more outside their comfort zone. 

The truth here is, if you look for the bad in someone, you’re going to find it. (If you look for the good, it’s usually there, too.) If you’ve decided ahead of time that you’re going to hate someone, it’s pretty easy to find enough reasons to follow through. 

I’m not hurting anymore about the unkind words you’re saying about my family. I’m not angry. To be honest, I just feel sad.

I’m sad because I bet if we met up in the mall, we’d have fun chatting while drinking our coffee and watching our children play together. I’m sad because I bet if you were my next door neighbor, you’d make me sugar cookies at Christmastime and I’d watch your children when you needed a night out with your spouse. I’m sad because I bet we’d really like each other if we saw each other through untainted glasses. 

I don’t hate you.

Instead, I’m choosing love. You see, my Jesus loved as no man before or after has ever done, and He expects me to follow Him and love like He loves.

If you want to continue looking for the bad, keep reading. I’m sure you’ll find enough to keep you busy for a while. I’m not going to hide in my imaginary turtle shell. I’m just going to continue being me.

And while you’re here, I’d love to share my Jesus with you. You see, He saw through all my bad and even the very stinky ugly, and He loved me anyway.

And He loves you, too.

If you ever need a friend, you know where to find me. 

Blessings,

Selina

 

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9 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Critics: What I Want You to Know About Our Family

  1. Hi! You probably have no clue who I am, but I want to share a little bit about our family with you. I’ve been reading Bergy Bunch for the better part of two years now, and I love it! I know that Johanna was adopted from Zhongshan CWI, and thee of my siblings (soon to be four!) were adopted from that orphanage also (We actually visited the orphanage on Christmas Day 2014 and it was quite the experience!). The first little girl we brought home, Rosie, had a severe heart defect and passed away two short months after coming home. But oh how much joy she brought to our family!! We are forever changed by the life of our sweet Rose. Seven months later, we were in China again bring home Carlie and Maisey. They have been home for almost a year now and are thriving! Our family is once again in the adoption process of bringing home two boys. One of them is from Zhongshan CWI. We are very excited!!

    I hope to someday go to medical school and be a missionary doctor in China, so I think your family is awesome!! Just wanted to let you know that I think your family is really amazing and that I will be praying for you!

    Beep (Rosie’s version of love),
    Allie

    1. Allie,
      Thank you for reading–and for sharing about your precious family!
      How old are you?
      That’s awesome that you’ll have a sibling from Zhongshan soon! Be sure to have your families join the Z Facebook group.
      Selina

      1. I’m seventeen years old. When we brought Rosie (first little girl we adopted from Zhongshan) home, everybody told my mom that we should join the facebook group. But we never did 🙂 now two years later my mom started a facebook page to go along with my blog (stoptofindtherosies.blogspot.com), and we are in the process of trying to figure out how facebook works. I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually 🙂

        Thank you!
        Allie

  2. I’m so glad to see you handle this in the way that you did. It makes me proud to be your friend. I’m glad I was there from the first baby to the last. And I know that you aren’t perfect, lol. But we’ve had some really good times together laughing and crying and struggling and making it. Praying for each other in being friends even though we don’t see each other for years we can pick right back up again when we do. They whoever they are have missed out if they don’t know you. Love you.

  3. Hi Selina
    I am so sorry that you have had to,face this persecution. I have to tell you how encouraged I have been by your blogging over the past few years. I read the Bergey Bunch blog through in it’s entirety because I really love hearing your adoption stories and also your parenting advice. I reread many posts at the start of this year as we had some very difficult foster children here for three months and I found such encouragement from your blog during those difficult days(also some great advice). So thank you for sharing your story. I will continue to pray for your ministry and please be assured that God is using your online presence for good!
    God bless you and your family!
    Renata:)

  4. I am Selina’s mother and grandmother to all those precious Bergey’s. God will always know the truth and He’s the only one that matters. I couldn’t be prouder of you and grateful to be your mother. I love you. Mom

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